The last I posted I had received great news (super duper great news). Several people asked me if that meant that I don't have to have chemo. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that. I have one more test out there called the oncotype that will give us that answer. It comes back with a low, intermediate or high number- and based on that result my oncologist will have a better idea of my treatment path. She has never given me any reason to think I won't have chemo (she didn't actually want to run the test, she wanted me to do it either way) so I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up - but at the same time - I still have a test out there that could tell me I don't have to go through 6 months of chemo!?! Yah, my hopes might be up a little bit.
Although - I've talked to someone and read many things about people whose onctotype has come back low'ish and they decided not have chemo and still think about it, wondering if they made the right decision. That's not a fun way to feel either.
So, I meet with my oncologist the morning of 12/31 and my test should be back by then. I'm pretty confident I'll know what's next after I meet with her.
The pain had really decreased over the days, but I was down. My mind has been spinning and I couldn't stop it. I'm trying to figure out the magic number that I was going to say yes to the chemo and the magic number that I would say no. I'm trying to figure out if I want it to come back intermediate so that there's no question, and this decision is just made for me. If cancer comes back, it comes back mad - and I don't want that hanging over my head. Part of me wants to make sure I've done everything I can to make sure this never comes back. But then part of me wants it to be low so I don't have to have chemo. If that number is low and I don't have to have chemo, I have to somehow make myself the kind of person that moves forward with confidence in that decision and doesn't look back.
So yesterday I went to a beautiful slow flow/restorative yoga. Today I feel like I'm back to myself. Still neurotic, but not spinning. I'm going to have a range of motion issue with my right arm that I hope yoga will help me through. I already know it will help me through the mental part.
On another note - I love thank you cards. They're important to me and I'm typically really good at them. For example, Elliott - who is 3 - suggested we send a thank you card to the person that made the pizza we had for dinner the other night (don't judge, it's been a rough month). And it was a frozen pizza (seriously, rough month). So I'm sorry for everyone I haven't sent a thank you card to. I feel like you don't mind, but I'm thanking each and everyone of you right now. For the texts, food, flowers, phone calls, cards, thoughts, etc. Thank you.
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