Surgery was yesterday, and everything went well. I'm down a tumor and a lymph node - and they didn't take out the second lump. The surgeon said it wasn't atypical and didn't need to be removed. I don't know how comfortable I am with that, but I'm trying hard to trust the people that are there to take care of me.
I have quite the battle wound where the tumor once lived, and an equally disturbing one in my arm pit (I'm so tempted to post a pic. If I knew how I might). I haven't decided what I hate the most - the pain or the pain meds. I was intubated (breathing tube) during the two hour surgery so I have a sore throat and a phlegmy cough. I haven't had a phlegmy cough in years.
It's interesting....I thought I was going to dance a jig and sing "ding dong the witch is dead" when this tumor came out, but instead I've just felt angry. I feel really angry that I have cancer in the first place, and this surgery means it's real and it's the countdown to the rest of the treatment. I'm angry that I'm in this much pain. I'm mad that I had to spend a whole day in the hospital when there's about a thousand other things I want to be doing. I'm just overall mad at the cancer now. I hope it feels it.
I don't blame you for being angry. I would be too. In fact, I'm angry for you. I'm so sorry you're in pain. I am really happy that you found the cancer and are taking care of it and that you have a wonderful and strong support system. And that you're totally going to kick the shit out of it.
ReplyDeletelove you lady. use that anger - turn it into positivity and make this cancer go away. there are no words for how much this sucks - the pain, the meds, that you're even going through this at all - all you can do is get through it. if there's anything i can do to make it easier, just say the word. love, love, love!
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