One week under my belt

I officially have my first week of chemo under my belt, thank goodness!  I literally could not stand the anticipation anymore. 

I meant to update this along the week, but honestly the way I feel changes so often that I couldn't sit down and feel good about what I was about to write.  I have said all along that I have to learn to live in today, and one day at a time, but this is more like one hour at a time! 

The best way to describe how I have been feeling is not very PC, but, it is what it is.  I feel like I'm 6 weeks pregnant and got SUPER drunk last night.  Every night, last night.  The 5 month hangover pregnancy.  Without the joy of the baby or the fun of last night.  I wake up every morning and feel terrible, but I get out of bed and I make a green juice (3 pieces of kale, 2 stalks of celery, an apple, 3 pieces of romaine, a carrot and half a cucumber) and I swear it makes me feel better.  Then the rest of the day is a toss up.  I can't let myself get hungry, which is hard because I'm feeling sick, but if I get hungry I get more sick.  I'm tired and many days I have fallen asleep on the couch after the boys go to bed (at 7:30).  I'm drinking close to 80 oz of healthy fluid a day - 64 of those are water.  Blech.

One day this week a co-worker noticed me sleeping with my head on my desk (it was necessary).  The next day she brought in a cot and put it in an empty office with a beautiful quilt and little pillow.  Today, I rested over my lunch on the cot and have felt great all day.  I love people.  We've also been "going to the freezer" lately and eating with extreme gratitude for the food that has been made for us.  I basically cook(ed) 7 days a week, and that's just the very last thing I want to do when I get home from work now.

Cameron and Elliott are doing well.  We've talked about it as much as they've wanted to, and I've answered all of their questions as honestly as I can.  They're 3 and 5 so they don't get overly deep yet.  Elliott's teacher told me that he told her that his "mommy will probably be bald at spring", and I'm very happy that he's feeling comfortable enough to talk to his teachers about it.  They've been amazingly sweet. 

I'm proud of my body, what it's endured and how it has endured it.  I would be a lot more proud of my body if it hadn't gotten cancer in the first place, but that's behind me now.